The Power of Pasta (and Community)
World Pasta Day
So, I recently heard that there is a day in October celebrating pasta and it's -- no surprise -- called "World Pasta Day!" It got me to thinking about the power of pasta in my life. (I'm Sicilian-American, so pasta played a larger than normal role in my life.)
Picture this...linguine every single day for 18 years. Not rotini, not mostacciolo, and not my favorite - gnelletti. I know it sounds crazy. But, that was my life growing up. My father preferred linguine. (It was 37 years before he even told me why!) But, I digress.
More importantly, we had dinner together daily. I rarely remember a day/night we didn't sit down together as a family around the dinner table. (As Italians, we sometimes had our bigger meal at what Americans consider lunch time.) In any case, at least once a day, we ate together.
And My Community
Now, that I look back at those times we sat around the table, I realize I was gaining so much more than a few extra pounds:-) I enjoyed connection, community, stability, even structure, and a lot of laughs. This daily activity fortified me when I went out in to the world because I had a strong base at home.
I even remember my 6th grade history teacher writing this comment on one of my papers -- "you have a strong sense of identity." I didn't really understand what that meant at the time. But, as the years passed, I realized how important my roots were to me. How they helped to increase my confidence and actually put myself out in to the world in a more powerful way. By roots, I mean more than heritage or nationality. I'm talking about the traditions, routines, and foundations experienced as a child or the ones created yourself as an adult.
For Your Community
Below are 4 simple steps to either creating or fortifying your community.
It might take some time to create a sense of connection and belonging. But, the effort is worth it.
What can you start today to increase your sense of community or structure? And, what can it do for your sense of confidence and inner strength? Let's discover these actions together with a complimentary coaching session. Sign up here.
Top Tips from Leading Coaches in Forbes Coaching Council
I'm in Sicily today getting a little work done before I join my extended family - - who live here - - for an afternoon at the beach and then a gelato at a seaside cafe.
I feel such gratitude for creating a life and career I love - one where I can be of service, honor my needs, AND feel balanced overall. If you want to learn more about how you can also feel fulfilled and joyful in work and your life, check out the info below.
In 2017, I was invited to join Forbes Coaching Council to provide career guidance and advice. I'm excited to be able to share my experience as a career coach for over 11 years as well as 18 years of experience in Corporate America.
Below are articles where I provide my favorite tips on a variety of topics related to career and life overall - - including productivity, managing stress, achieving goals, transitioning careers, leadership/management, entrepreneurship, and branding. Many of the articles also include great tips from the talented coaches in the council.
October 29th, 2018
Do you have trouble setting boundaries?
As a recovering “people pleaser,” I get it! In fact, I recently agreed to become my boyfriend’s temporary, lunchtime dog walker while he looked for a new one, even though I was recovering from an injury. I had to check in with myself to determine if I really wanted -- and was able -- to fit in walking the dog during my busy workday. The truth was that I did…most times. And, that is what I told him.
The old me would have just done it to make things easier for someone I love. After thinking it over, I finally found that point of what I was really willing to do and WHY. I love Boots and my boyfriend and ME: I did it for all of us! I’m happy to see Boots get exercise, I’m grateful I can support my boyfriend in this way, AND I loved connecting with nature + getting a little exercise myself in the middle of my day.
When I became clear about what I was genuinely willing to do in a way that didn't compromise my needs and WHY I was willing to do it, I was better able to express my truth in a more confident, unapologetic way. No guilt here! It felt refreshing and exciting to share what I would do and for it to be met with understanding and appreciation.
Do you struggle with saying “no” to things that don’t best serve you? I can help! Start today with a complimentary coaching session: sign up here.
What if I were to tell you that you have the power to change your own life, dramatically?
The principal of manifestation focuses your mind -- and thereby your energy and actions -- on attaining the things you desire. The best part is you might attain your desires more quickly and with less effort. It may seem too good to be true; however, I personally use this tool...and it truly works!
Here's an example from my life...
As you may know, I have hearing loss and struggled with the best way to deal with it. Until recently, I rarely shared that I had experienced this loss for fear of being judged or seen in a light that I didn't think would serve me well. But, a few years ago, I shifted my thinking and decided to get help by researching hearing aid options. I finally found a pair that worked for me!
So, one of my goals in life is to increase awareness about how hearing loss can impact people and how they can thrive with it. With this intention, I was able to land an opportunity to film a testimonial that is now shown all over the world about the ReSound hearing aids I use. I couldn’t have asked for a better vehicle to share my cause! And, this opportunity came to me:-)
Here's how to do it...
The key is to become very aligned with your deepest truths and desires. With that clarity, you'll feel more convicted and energized to go for what you desire. You also need to dissolve any limiting beliefs that can get in your way. Finally, you must remain unattached to how your desire unfolds or manifests. You need to be open to all possibilities.
Hope you're inspired to try these steps and realize your deepest desires!
If you know anyone who has hearing loss and has been hesitant to get the help they need, check out this video and share it with them.
What can we learn from our relationships?
You might have heard the saying "what goes around, comes around." Or, in coaching circles, people say "You get (back) what you put out in to the world." Given that I received so much love and support after my father passing away, I realized I must have been exuding a lot of love and hope.
I know you might be thinking I'm giving myself too much credit. And, if you have nice friends and a solid family, anyone would receive positive sentiments during a difficult time in life. BUT, it wasn't all hearts and roses. In fact, the priest who was supposed to reside over my dad's funeral gave me the most unexpected blow just hours after my Dad left us.
What if we're in the middle of a difficult time in our lives?
I was at one of the lowest points in my life and trying to be there for my mom when my family and I were talking to the priest about what prayers and songs we wanted for my Dad's funeral. I have a hearing problem so I didn't catch all of the priest's suggestions.
When I asked him to speak up, he began to tease me about my hearing. At first, I didn't think he was teasing because I thought who would tease someone about hearing loss (or blindness, or any disability)? And, after I realized what he was doing, I was in disbelief and then shock. Sure, tease me any other time and I might be annoyed. But, at this moment, I was outraged! (By the way, my hearing genes are from my Dad:-)
So, as we continued the conversation, I was trying to suppress my instincts to put him in his place. The conversation went on...my brother was sharing some stories about how my dad was a fighter. At 22 years old, my Dad came from Sicily, learned English, became an entrepreneur, and created the life he desired for his family. All I kept thinking was how could that priest be so insensitive with me?!
Can we learn something even in our most challenging relationships?
Being the good coach that I am;-), I decided to focus on the present moment and to be there for my family versus taking the priest down (kidding, of course). Later, I began writing my Dad's eulogy. And, it just flowed out of me. Yet, I continued to think about the priest's behavior and how my dad would have told the priest how he felt about it. That is when it hit me. My Dad's "driven attitude" was coming through me...as it often did. I allowed myself to feel agitated and then I did a little self coaching. I know that I get back what I put out in the world. So, I asked myself "where or with whom am I being insensitive?" Hmmm...I had a few people in mind I won't share in case they're reading this now:-) But, I kept thinking.
This is what I learned about myself...
One person I could have actually been insensitive toward was ME. Had I been sensitive to my needs the last few days before my Dad passed away? Not really. So, thank you priest, for helping me realize I needed to take care of myself. And, thank you for continuing to tease me so that I could clearly receive the message I needed to hear (pun intended).
Now, I was ready to hear a deeper message.
Beyond this person being a mirror for me to learn something about myself and my situation, he helped me remember one of the most important points I needed to include in my Dad's eulogy...that he was a fighter. (Funny, how I didn't "hear" this message when my brother spoke about it.) But, my dad fought hard for his life and he fought hard at the end of it, too. This sentiment became the opening sentence of my eulogy. So, thank you priest for giving me the opportunity to remember who my dad was...he would have been disappointed if I forgot to say he was a fighter.
Finally, I received the gift of acceptance for myself and for another.
In the remainder of the eulogy, I went on to express how my Dad loved so hard, too. You can't know or have a quality without its opposing side. Obviously, I'm a sensitive person. And, I can be insensitive at times, too. All qualities within us have an existing opposing quality. We must remember this concept to be more accepting of ourselves and others.
Ultimately, this whole process softened me toward the priest and helped me express my Dad's essence which I hope to do for as long as I'm on this earth. I was so grateful to experience compassion for the priest and myself. The funeral ended up being beautiful...the priest was amazing, the songs were uplifting, and the prayers were heavenly.
What about you?
Do you often feel like you're running out of time?
Or, that you want answers to all of your life's questions now?
As a recovering perfectionist and overachiever, I understand the concept of wanting it all... right now!
Thankfully, I heard that "time" is a construct humans created to digest, process, and organize what happens in life. So, obviously "time" is meant to serve us. Then, I fell in love with this quote: "Time is a trainer." It reinforces that I don't have to rush through my life and that I don't have to have all the answers today.
What if you could change how you feel about time and actually get better results? You can! Find out how here??
If you want support in creating a new relationship with time, sign up for a consultation here.
How to Turn Envy into Inspiration
Have You Ever Been Envious of Someone?
Have you ever been on Facebook or Instagram seeing all the awesome things people are doing and actually judging them? Or worse, do you find that you're judging yourself because you're comparing your life to someone else's life? I heard someone capture that moment best stating you're comparing your raw footage to someone else's sizzle reel.
For the most part, I'm genuinely happy for other people's successes and dreams coming true. (I really am:-) BUT, I'm human. There have been times when I see a post on social media and think "wait, I should be doing that..." A very simple example from my life is from years ago when a new coach had posted a video on Facebook as part of her marketing campaign.
I found myself judging the video (so embarrassing to share this with you). And then, I judged myself thinking I've known video is important for online marketing for years. (I used to work at an ad agency that trained us in best practices for digital marketing.) And, I STILL didn't have a video online. I made excuses that I was too busy or I didn't have a good enough camera, etc.
What Does Envy Really Mean?
Deep down I knew the truth. I was too scared. Too scared my video would look cheesy or that I'd be judged for starting this "crazy" new coaching business. As I realized my fears coming up, more negative thoughts poured in.
That is when I stopped and reminded myself of a great little tool that has helped me (and my clients) many times. I like to refer to it as "if you've spot it, you've got it." There is a reason I'm being triggered by that coach's video post. She was being bold and courageous. She was putting herself out there. I wanted to do that, too. I wanted to attract more clients by sharing my coaching business. But, I suppressed those desires. Seeing her video brought those sentiments to the forefront of my mind. But again, I was holding back for fear of being judged. So, I projected those uncomfortable feelings and judgments on her video while also feeling envious that she was making progress in online marketing.
How Can You Use Envy to Inspire Your Next Steps?
Being able to stop and notice that I was being triggered was so powerful. Because of that awareness, I was able to make a better choice about what I wanted to do next. Before knowing this tool, I might have just continued to beat myself up or remain envious of the new coach's efforts. But, in this moment with my "you've spot it, you've got it" tool, I recognized an opportunity to be bolder and have more courage myself.
I decided to use this moment to inspire me to put myself out there more. I wasn't ready to film and post videos at that point. So, I asked myself what would I like to do that would be bold and courageous for me? At that point in my coaching career, I realized I wasn't great at giving people my card when they showed interest in coaching. So, in that moment, I realized I needed to explore the self-limiting beliefs holding me back from sharing more about my services. And before I knew it, I was giving my card away to more people and setting up consultations more often. Obviously, this was not the same as posting a video for my whole network to see, but it felt good. And, it felt more genuine for me.
Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful
Recognizing that we can be inspired by others (even when we feel annoyed) is so powerful. Then, taking that emotion and using it to fuel our own authentic power is magical. Below are the exact steps you can take to turn envy into inspiration and let your inner beauty shine through in your own life.
Notice when you're being triggered.
List the judgments you're making about someone else.
Determine if those judgments are within you.
Ask yourself how to further embrace those qualities?
When I look back at the example I shared, the new coach I mentioned gets to be herself and I get to be me. No one has to be wrong or judged. It feels liberating to live my life this way now. I don't carry the burden of judgement the way I used to do so. And, if I ever get a twinge of it, I catch myself and use that to inspire my next step in life.
Where do you compare yourself to others? Can you see a way to turn that possible envy into an action that motivates you to move forward in your life in a positive way?
Ever been really excited about a goal...
and then hit an obstacle or lost motivation to keep going?
When this happens for my clients, I often share the tip to "start with the end in mind." Picture your desired outcome (e.g., that new home, the improved romantic relationship, a fulfilling career). Really feel the feelings associated with what you're imagining. Is it a sense of peace, joy, or excitement?
This approach is the simplest way to find the grit to get through even the toughest situations and projects. When faced with a challenge, we often focus on the problem, but what if we, instead, focused on the solution?
When I remodeled my home, I felt overwhelmed by everything that I needed to have fixed, but then I shifted my attention to my end goal, that is, having a beautiful, inviting, inspiring space. Here’s what happened...
Goodbye 2017. Hello 2018!
Ready to create a year that includes all you desire?
I bet you are, and if you're tired of creating resolutions that don't stick and not seeing results...
Try this new way to create your new year. I'll guide you through the process for your best 2018!
Keep reading to learn how this process works. Or, if you can't wait, grab your "New Way New Year" Guide right here.
For the "how" behind creating your best year yet...
Tap into the reflective energy of December and the renewing energy of January to...
Approach and Exercises
This approach will help you re-commit and focus all of your efforts for the coming year! The exercises are broken out into two parts. The first is about honoring and celebrating 2017. And, then there is another exercise to inspire you to go for what you want in 2018!
It's important to take time to be complete with the past. This allows you to be in a better place to develop new goals (or as I call them "desired outcomes") you wish to experience. Ideally, you can do this review close to December 21st (i.e., the winter solstice) which is an opportune time for completion.
The process begins with reviewing accomplishments, failures, surprises, and learnings experienced in 2017. It helps to be aware of what worked and didn't work in the past so that you can determine how you want the next phase of your life to unfold and how you want to feel. Use the information from the past to help inform how you'd like to proceed.
Preparing for 2018
With a deeper understanding of how you have evolved and a renewed energy, you can move forward with creating desired outcomes for 2018 that are even more relevant and enjoyable to experience.
This approach helps you go from chasing goals to creating a life that allows you to gracefully (and excitedly) attain life results you adore:-)
Welcome 2018! Grab your "New Way New Year" Guide here. Enjoy it and let me know what you think. Now IS the time to set the stage to call forth all you desire and want to create in 2018. Here's HOW. Give yourself some time, space and make it FUN. You are WORTH it!